Things I Ponder...

I can't help but wonder if I will parent this new baby different than I have Matt and Bri. I always thought my parents treated Stella and I differently because they realized they royally fucked up with me and just wanted to make things right with her. Now I think it's more along the lines of "with age comes wisdom". Being completely honest, I was always just winging it with Matt and Bri, I still do. With them being so close in age, they go through the same things around the same time. I go through all the firsts with them both and it's all new to me as well. I don't have the slightest idea what I'm doing half the time. But I know with this new baby, I've been there done that. I'll know the right way to handle things and what to do. Will my oldest two think differently of me though, like I did my parents? I just want to be a good parent for this baby. I try with the Matt and Bri but I know I screw up all the time too. Everyone screws up, I know that, but sometimes I think I cause a lot of the behavioral issues that Matt is going through. Like his counselor said, " I think most mental health issues are 70% environmental" Which just proves that it is my fault. I just hope I can do better with this little one. I'm already trying to do everything different since I have a little more control than I did at 15. I have about 4 1/2 months to figure it out though. Hopefully I can get these feelings straightened out by then.